A Big Change.

Change.

What just happened when you read that word?

It either ignites anxiety or excitement, angst or joy.

There are those thrive on it, who can’t seem to function without some type of constant upheaval going on in their lives. We all also have those people in our lives that just can’t seem to get it together, who move around all of the time and hop from job to job.

Others are terrified of it to the point of avoiding any kind of change at all costs. It can be seen in all areas of their lives. Let’s be honest. We all know that woman who is still wearing her ice blue eye shadow from 1986 and the friend who is miserable in their job (or relationship) because they are too scared to try something new, to venture into the unknown.

I don’t fall into either of those categories. I think I’m comfortably right there in the middle, like most people. I enjoy trying new things, going to new places. I love, love, love learning new things. I don’t FEAR change but I am a cautious person by nature. I’m not going to avoid it but I may not go looking for it, either.

I am the queen of adaptation. I may not be the one to initiate a change, but I’m your girl if you’re looking for someone to quickly figure out how to make the situation work. It’s a skill I developed as a child when my family was moving a lot and things seemed to be happening faster than I could manage. If I can’t control the situation I can, at the very least, control how I handle it and how it affects me. This has always been my saving grace. It is what gets me through, what allows me to problem solve quickly and what has made me good at my job.

I have been honing my skill of efficiently adapting for the last ten years. I started my current job when I was twenty-one years old and fresh off the Steamship to Nantucket. I’d just made a HUGE change and moved myself half way across the country with my boyfriend and everything we owned in an 8x10 trailer.

There it is, the change. The initiation of a change. The change that led to something great. That single decision led me right to where I am today. Fast forward ten years and I am married to Preston with two beautiful daughters, in our own home on Nantucket, and still doing that same job.

Other than two short breaks to have my girls, I have walked through the door to Cyrus Peirce Middle School every school day to do my job as a Teaching Assistant. It’s been my identity. It’s been what I love. I’ve worked hard to be good at what I do, to try to make a difference for the kids I help and the teachers I work with every day.

I’ve learned some things about myself that I would have never imagined were there. I’ve grown from a somewhat shy and quiet young woman into a confident advocate. I’ve pushed my students to do their best and pushed myself even harder. I've cried over perceived failures and celebrated even the most minute successes.

I’ve seen a lot of change in ten years. Three superintendents. Five principals, Numerous teachers come and go, some retiring and others just realizing island life isn’t for them.

Over one thousand students. One thousand students!

That’s a lot of change, a lot of adapting.

I’m thinking that it may be time for me to once again initiate rather than adapt. Maybe it’s time for me to actually be the change.

So, after months of discussion and encouragement from my husband I wrote a letter requesting a leave of absence for next school year. I thought sitting down to write that letter would be so hard for me. It wasn’t. It felt right. The words came easily and the guilt I was expecting didn’t come. Instead came excitement and happy anticipation...and hope.

For the the first time in my adult life I will not have a job. No paycheck. No schedules to keep, only one backpack to organize. 

Only two children to worry and lose sleep over.

For the first time in their lives my children won’t have to share their mom with other children.

I will relish in being a mom and a wife.

I will cook and write and clean and love…

...and grow

...and change.